I Surrender All

(Originally written April 2015)

The pastor who was ministering at the women’s conference on that September evening prayed for the nearly 1,000 women in the room. She asked us to have a seat and close our eyes while she asked God to help us to know Him in a more intimate way. She asked God to give us spiritual eyes to see and spiritual ears to hear. Then she was quiet.

A couple minutes later she asked us to stand up if we heard anything. I hadn’t heard anything but silence. Then she asked us to stand if we saw anything. I hadn’t really seen anything either. There were all these women in the room who were standing.

“Show ME something, Lord. I want to see You. I want to experience You like never before.”

It was a bold prayer request made with a bit of angst, but I was hungry. Hungry for more of His presence in my life. I knew there was more. With God, there is always more.

Nothing happened.

The pastor moved on and was sharing some closing remarks. I honestly cannot remember what she was talking about. What I do remember is unexpectedly falling to the floor. I landed right on my friend’s beautiful white high heeled shoe. It was a serious face plant — nose to shoe.

I didn’t understand why I was on the floor. I tried to get up, but I couldn’t move. It was as if my entire body was glued to the floor with rubber cement.  The whole situation was awkward and I felt horribly self-conscious and embarrassed. I knew the session was coming to an end and I was blocking the aisle. I was certain someone was going to call for an ambulance due to my unresponsiveness.

“Why am I on this floor? Lord, let me up!”

Nothing. I still couldn’t move. No matter how hard I tried to move my arms and legs, my body would not budge.  After I struggled for what seemed to be an eternity, I closed my eyes and said aloud “Ok, you have my attention. What do you want to tell me?”

Immediately after I said that, God responded by showing me a vision. I was a child on a playground and I was playing the trust fall game.  In case you’ve never heard of this game, the purpose is to trust another person standing behind you to catch you when you fall. You close your eyes and fall backwards and hope for the best. The Lord showed me that when I played that game as a child I would fall backwards, but then at the last moment I would put my hand back to brace myself in case of a fall.

Then He dropped the truth bomb. He gently said, “That’s what you do to me.”

Ouch.

He showed me that I trusted Him enough to fall backwards, but at the last minute I’d brace myself for a fall, thinking that I needed to take back control. Before I could even start condemning myself He whispered to me, “Do you know why you do that?”

“No Lord, why?”

His response: “Because you have absolutely no idea how much I love you.”

The rubber cement seemed to melt away at that moment and I was able to get off of the floor. I thanked God for showing up and sharing with me in such a clear way and went back to my hotel room to go to bed.

The next morning, I woke up very early. My roommate (the one whose shoe I landed on) was awake, so I shared more with her about what happened the evening before. I was in awe over the entire experience and we just sat there in our beds talking about the goodness of God. In the middle of our conversation, a heaviness fell in the room unlike I had ever experienced. There was a tangible presence of God in that room and the only appropriate response was to get on our faces and thank Him for His presence. In the midst of our worship, He showed me a second vision.

This time I saw a hand. The hand was opening and closing repeatedly. I heard the Lord say to me, “This is what man does. Sometimes his hand is open to you, sometimes it is closed. This is what you think that I do, but I am not man.”

He then showed me an open hand and said, “THIS is me. I LOVE you and my hand is always open to you. Everything you need I have and am willing to give to you.”

What a loving Father. Over the following two weeks after the conference, God showered me with more evidence of His love for me through signs and wonders that all deserve a story of their own. I wrote them all down in a journal because I never wanted to forget what my Father did for me. There is no way that I can ever deny His power, His love, and His presence in my life.

Armed with a revelation of His awesome love, I fully surrendered my plans and embraced His for my life and business. While I certainly don’t have all of the answers, I trust Him. I’m seeking His heart, discovering and embracing who I am in Christ, and enjoying this wild and crazy and amazing adventure with God.